Dealing with The Honey-Dipped Voice

We get it. OI'ers are small, our heads are usually larger than our bodies, we have frail little limbs and torsos, and we have higher pitched voices - the rest of you think we're cute as heck. But please, unless we look up at you with the need to be burped or need a change of diapers: Please Do Not Gush Your Voice At Us. 

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about right? That voice people have where every decibel out of their mouths is drenched in honey. My Gusher Radar goes off when a stranger gives me that smile where the corners of their mouths are practically tied with a dainty bow at the ends. And then they put their hands palms down on their lap and bend their knees a bit, then bend their back down a bit. It's always a bit - never a full fledged crouch or anything. Or if they are not crooking their entire bodies, it's their eyes. Some people will, literally, look down at me. Their eyes will level me in one glance, under cutting my years in one naive blink and remind me of the fact that they are adult-like and I am a kid who is still toddler height. When a person goes into that Gusher Position there are bells, whistles, even a mental siren that goes off in my head. Already my ears begin to shut down and my brain usually turns off for the next 2 minutes of sugar coated conversation. I'm listening though, don't worry, The Honey-Dipped Voice is just muffled in my head for my own sanity. But whatever the other party is yapping away about - I am never rude when this happens. I listen, my face just blankly allowing the honey to smother it.
It's not that it's just simply annoying or disgusting to hear after awhile. For me, anyway, it means that the other person has not only ASSUMED something about me - but then they went ahead and blatantly acted on the assumption. It's just rude. And then the rudeness quickly snowballs into awkwardness, and spirals into some out of control slipshod mess - usually leaving me with a look of disgust and the other person continues to be naive or visibly uncomfortable. By the end of the conversation I have either made it clear that I'm not under the age of 5, or that I clearly just stayed silent and smiled sweetly to get that free lollipop.

I know it's a baffling concept but I s'pose what my mother said is true: Too much sugar is never a good thing.

On Stopping the Gushing:

  • The best way to handle any source of potential awkwardness or conflict is to be civil and polite. 
  • Just because THEY talk to you in that way doesn't mean YOU need to respond in the expected age. Respond how you would normally respond to your friends or family. This usually gets the point across very quickly and in my experience the person changes their approach immediately.
  • When you meet someone new and they give you the smile that is the onset of a gushing voice, I usually just give them a quick smile and then look away to avoid the conversation.
  • Sometimes I have said "it's okay, you don't need to crouch down like that.." This gets the point across immediately as well
  • Though I'm not particularly great at this latest technique, I've been working on sending my own condescending smile back to them. Pity the person who thinks that I am 3 years old and incapable of much else besides coloring!
  • Tell yourself in your head "this person just doesn't know me yet" and it will help calm frustrations, anger, and disappointment in your own response back 

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2 Responses to Dealing with The Honey-Dipped Voice

  1. It does piss me off too. The weird thing is that it only seems to happen with women between from the age 40, for some reason all men and women under the age 40 speak me as I should be spoken to.

    I've an apartment flat and I've got this neighbour at the age of 60 or so who spoke to me like that for maybe three years. Last year or so she's got the drift and nowadays speaks to me (almost) normally. But she sure strikes to me as a lady who talks to everyone under 15 like that, so maybe it's not JUST to me. His husband has always spoken to me like all men do. Normally. Don't know what's up with them hags.

  2. Uhh, always forget to correct something and can't edit. Boo.


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