The Inconvenient Truths of Elevators

I'm no mechanic and can just barely name all the parts of my wheelchair, so I don't know about the inner workings or the deep dark secrets of elevators. However I have ridden in many to be able to confidently offer up a few truths about those boxy transports --

  • No matter how frantically you push the button, it's not coming any faster. Seriously. I've tried tapping out "faster" in morse code and it hasn't worked. Just wait. And if it seems an uncomfortably long time has passed and you're still inside? Then open the "Emergency Call" compartment inside and follow the directions...and...well, may the elevator gods be on your side! 
  • It is going to smell like people. All kinds of people. Sometimes it may smell like people in various stages of undress. People are awkward, so the smell is going to be awkward. These are the things I tell myself so that I don't need to fill in the blanks in too many specific details. 
  • If there is a small child, let him or her push the button. Otherwise you will be glared at by both child and parent for the remainder of the 15 second ride. It's uncomfortable already, so do yourself a favor and forego the small joy of pushing the light-up button when there's a young'un in your presence. 
  • Sometimes the entire box will come to a shuddering halt. Spell your entire first name backwards and forwards before deciding to push the emergency button. On your lucky days the doors will open before you've finished your name backwards. 
  • Try to not touch the railings, or suspicious wet spots on the elevator floor.. y'know what? Just keep your hands to yourself unless you're pushing a button. If the elevator were a circular plate, it'd look like a giant petri dish festering with germs. 

Posted in , , , . Bookmark the permalink. RSS feed for this post.

Leave a Reply

Copyright © 2011 Perfectly Imperfecta. Powered by Blogger.