Actually.. how 'bout .. "no."

A couple weeks ago I had written a blog entry about the pressure I sometimes feel to explain O.I., or what is more often the case feeling like I need to provide an explanation for my existence. There have been countless incidents where the awkwardness of "feeling like I should" answer those questions of "why?" "what's wrong?" "what happened?" have made me spit out words I would rather swallow. Or they are incidents where I have wanted to reply with "why do you want to know?" but, for whatever reason, felt that I would be making a social faux paus by refusing to answer. And instead I make myself feel worse after all is said and done.

Of course the next follow-up post to that entry would logically be so how do you tell a person to kindly mind your own beeswax? (Okay so in actuality a parent of a young child with O.I. phrased the question much more eloquently than that in her comment to me... but the point is still the same!)

I don't always know how to say "no. I'd rather not talk about that right now.." or "I don't feel comfortable telling you about it.." And I think in part I struggle with refusing to answer probably because I am an adult who has too much awareness of 'what is expected of me' vs 'what I can do.'
But let's pretend for a moment that I really am fearless and uncaring about what would be socially acceptable. If I were approached by some random adult who wanted to know "so umm can I ask you a question? What's your deal? Why are you in a wheelchair?" Here are some options of how I would say "please piss off" in my ideal fantasy world:

1. Is there something specific you want to know? I'm in a wheelchair for the same reason you decide to put boots on when it's a blizzard out, or when you put sneakers on when you're about to go for a run. It helps me get around.

2. I don't really want to talk about it with you right now, or like...ever.

3. That question is going to cost you something, like a drink. 

4. I don't think your question is something I feel like I need to answer.

5. Tell me why you're curious. And no, your curiosity will not be answered by asking to test drive my wheelchair.

6. Well, what's your deal about my deal? 

7. What's my deal (or problem, or disease, or condition, or disability, or sickness)? It's just mine to deal with, and yours to stay out of.

8. I just am what I am. And what about you? 

I know, I know, many of those responses above are borderline snarky and even hostile. But that's because their question, in some instances, can make me feel vulnerable and pathetic. There are a lot of variables at play in each incident when we are confronted with "WHY?!" The age of the person asking the question, the situation, the environment, the mood we are in, the weather, whether we are late to go somewhere, etc etc. I think that maybe just as we might be getting in the way of ourselves explaining to others, we might also be getting in the way of ourselves being in the right. I keep telling myself that this is one of those things where the more I do it, the less awkward and weird it will feel to me. Because I cannot be wrong when it comes to explaining (at least not at my age, and with my knowledge), and that's just what I need to continually remind myself each time it happens.

Posted in , , , . Bookmark the permalink. RSS feed for this post.

One Response to Actually.. how 'bout .. "no."

  1. OMG love the drink idea. AH this is something I've been thinking about so so much and really want to write to you about - I'm going to do that soon!



Copyright © 2011 Perfectly Imperfecta. Powered by Blogger.