Catchphrases I'm Done Catching!

Sometimes I think that there must be some manual or pamphlet that many able-bodied folks in society refer to when they come across someone with a disability. Maybe it's titled something like: Helpful Phrases When Speaking to Person with Disability. Specifically this is a manual that I wasn't really privy to reading; instead I often find myself looking back at the speaker wondering, what planet did you come from?! 

1. Hey shawty! (Except in this case it is not cool like in the way rap or r&b stars use it in their songs, and even when it is a lyric that is a questionable compliment. I mean, seriously now.)

2. Did it take your parents a long time to teach you to go to the restroom by yourself? (Say what!? Did it take your parents a long time to teach you how to be civil? Wait -- you probably can't answer that because they're clearly still teaching you.)

3. Would it be helpful if I opened both doors for you? (Thank you asshole, for the helpful reminder of just how short I am because indeed, I can roll right underneath your armpit.)

4. How fast does your chair go? (So fast I don't have time to answer your question right now because the chair has a mind of its own, and it is taking me away. So fast.)

5. It must be so hard for you to buy clothes. (Seriously that is not something to just say to a person unless you have a helpful follow-up. Something that is not "my little girl has American Doll clothes..")

6. Can you walk at all? (Can you have original thoughts, at all?)

7. So you can't walk at all? Not even to the front of the plane? (If I could I would have walked over to your face and put my foot up your... *sigh* never mind.)

8. My grandmother has a chair that's kinda like yours.. (I never know the rest of what that person is saying because I have already long zoned out.)

9. Is it painful? (Right now hearing you, yes. It is.)

10. I don't know how you deal. I just couldn't imagine! (Well don't try too hard! You might hurt yourself more than a broken bone.)

11. You're so lucky you get to sit all day! (You're so lucky I'm not tall enough to sock you in the face.. but your crotch is just the right height)

12. You're probably used to doctors and needles and stuff right? (Why yes, my immunizations are all up to date. And you?)

13. Oh you've been through so much already, let me do this for you there's no reason you need to go through anything more. (Because HOLY CRAP! I feel like I'm one step closer to a cure after what you've done. Geezus call-up the New England Journal of Medicine, we have ourselves a breakthrough!)

14. I had a friend back in third grade who had SomeMedicalConditionOrIllness and you remind me of her a lot. But she passed away... umm but.. it wasn't related to the SomeMedicalConditionOrIllness though. (Oh *phew* good to know. Wanna tell me what happened? Did your friend get hit by a bus?)

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2 Responses to Catchphrases I'm Done Catching!

  1. lmao.. lol. omg. this had me rolling.. i've said most of that in my head to the idots of the world who ask these questions. thanks for the giggle.

    1. Hoorah! Glad you liked my wise-assery. We need to be more public with ourselves. It's for the good of the world I like to tell myself ;-)


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