Showing posts with label elevators. Show all posts

The Inconvenient Truths of Elevators

I'm no mechanic and can just barely name all the parts of my wheelchair, so I don't know about the inner workings or the deep dark secrets of elevators. However I have ridden in many to be able to confidently offer up a few truths about those boxy transports --


  • No matter how frantically you push the button, it's not coming any faster. Seriously. I've tried tapping out "faster" in morse code and it hasn't worked. Just wait. And if it seems an uncomfortably long time has passed and you're still inside? Then open the "Emergency Call" compartment inside and follow the directions...and...well, may the elevator gods be on your side! 
  • It is going to smell like people. All kinds of people. Sometimes it may smell like people in various stages of undress. People are awkward, so the smell is going to be awkward. These are the things I tell myself so that I don't need to fill in the blanks in too many specific details. 
  • If there is a small child, let him or her push the button. Otherwise you will be glared at by both child and parent for the remainder of the 15 second ride. It's uncomfortable already, so do yourself a favor and forego the small joy of pushing the light-up button when there's a young'un in your presence. 
  • Sometimes the entire box will come to a shuddering halt. Spell your entire first name backwards and forwards before deciding to push the emergency button. On your lucky days the doors will open before you've finished your name backwards. 
  • Try to not touch the railings, or suspicious wet spots on the elevator floor.. y'know what? Just keep your hands to yourself unless you're pushing a button. If the elevator were a circular plate, it'd look like a giant petri dish festering with germs. 

Posted in , , , | Leave a comment

Elevating Thoughts

In the public sphere, rare are the moments when someone in a wheelchair is able to feel invisible or anonymous: for the most part and in most situations -- the four wheels I am cruising around on are difficult for others to not see. With that said, I'd like to invite you into a space that I hold almost-sacred in the world out there: The Elevator. 

Ding! The neon glow to the arrow pointing up is lit. This little light, like a quarterback in a football game, begins to set the players into formation. People shuffle around in the lobby nudging closer to the elevator doors; I have already strategically positioned myself at the front of the line but not in front of the doors. Instead, I am angled off to the side and in such a way that makes my stance clear: this is now my elevator, and I intend on getting in it. 
As the doors slide open I dart inside, quickly hit the button to my floor and then swivel around to the rear right corner. Other people begin to march inside and I sit there for a few seconds watching, and in my warped brain I pretend I am the royal queen grudgingly accepting the company of my subjects. 

But Oh No! What is this? 
Whose rear end is slowly creeping ever closer in.to.my.face?! And what about this other rear end with JUICY plastered across it that is about to back that thaaang up right into my wheelchair's joystick? I realize that as an adult I should be over the concept of cooties, but don't these people understand!?! While they don't need to touch the soles of their shoes -- my hand needs to always touch my joystick in order for me to get anywhere... in LIFE! 
At this point I have sucked in my breath and am hoping with fervor that these anonymous rear ends will leave my metallic boxy kingdom before I get to my floor. The doors are now beginning to close and I, along with my subjects, are beginning to get used to each other's "unique" choices in perfume, cologne, and... just what the hell is that stench? Clearly someone failed to realize that flipping your two day old underwear inside out and then putting it back on does not do the trick. I flick my eyes up at the bodies standing directly in front of me, and with a quick glance at the back of their heads I have telepathically sent them a stern message: do not pass gas. Because if you do, I have no qualms about running you over -- and as you can see, there is no where for you to run inside this box. 
The fluorescent light to the outside world is narrowing as the doors are drawing to a close. People are beginning to settle into their little orbs of separation, making sure that their own finite walls do not accidentally knock into those of their verycloseandtightknit neighbor's. Except, there is an interjection. The doors jerk open, the light tumbles back inside, thumbs stop mid-flick across phones, heads lift up to face the front. First we see a hand and then a foot steps in, then the rest of the person - shoulders apologetic, and face in a part frown part guilt, "Hey, thanks.." the anonymous person says. 
Thanks?? What are you thanking us for? I am unwavering in my confidence that we unanimously silently agreed that none of us want you here, because you are only delaying us in our own urge to getwhereweneedtogo! Without waiting for our silent response this person has swiveled around, promptly ignored us and resumed their proper place in the formation; there is a shuffle from the rest of us to make room - the right butt cheek of JUICY is now officially brushing up against my hand. I swallow hard and close my eyes, for the love of god why can't the body emit farts of spring flowers or fresh baked cookies? 

Finally. The doors are closed, and now the silence fills the box as we, complete and utter strangers, ascend together. And so the guessing game begins. Who is getting off on which floor? Why does that guy think that he can pick his nose just because he is standing in the back of the elevator? (The rear of the elevator is apparently like the rear of the school bus - SO MUCH delinquent behavior goes on back there..) And what about the other lady doing the pick-at-my-wedgie-dance? When the doors closed I guess we all signed a social contract that said: what happens in the elevator, stays in the elevator. Is the woman with her eyes closed while leaning against the left wall okay? Or is she going to pass out? I glance around, no one else seems to be concerned about her, but I am.






Posted in , , , , , | Leave a comment

Top 5 Awkward Moments

My friends enjoy teasing me for these and I have come to accept that I cannot go anywhere without at least one awkward moment.


1. Don't text and drive. Even if it's your power wheelchair. One time I was busy texting and soon found my head met the rear-end that belonged to a short old lady.

2. That time I only had 3 wheels on my chair. One of my rear wheels had fallen off - allegedly because one of my closest friends had been sitting on the back of it too much and it took the wheelchair company WAY too long to get a replacement part. The day that wheel fell off I had a mid-term in one of my classes and when my professor saw me she thought I was insane for rolling the 7 blocks to make it anyway. And trust me, if THAT professor was calling me insane.. then I guess sometimes my judgment can be really questionable.

3. Classy goes messy. It was a school tradition that the President served students breakfast. There were lots of administrators, deans, professors and tables stocked with food that had been nicely decorated. A corner of the tablecloth to one of the buffet tables got caught in my tire and BAM... onto the floor go an entire plate of cannoli's, pancakes, fruit.. I looked around and all I could say was "I guess the 5 second rule doesn't count?"

4. Painfully speechless. The editors of the high school newspaper were called in for a meeting that morning and there were bagels for us. It was an important meeting because we were having personnel issues and as I went to bite into my bagel - for whatever reason - the back of my jaw snaps. I sat for the duration of that incredibly tense meeting with my mouth shut, an un-chewed bite of bagel in my mouth, and just nodded and said "mmhmm" the whole time. Later on after school I went to the ortho and found out my jaw was broken - no fun at all!

5. The Claustrophobic Aide. In 9th grade my aide was claustrophobic. The reason why the school had hired her to begin with? So that she would go in the elevators with me as a preventative measure in case I got stuck or the elevator broke. Did I mention? She was claustrophobic... which means she never went in the elevators with me. Instead she would meet me at the next floor in front of the elevator doors and listen to make sure it was still running. Now that I think about it.. this incident deserves its own blog entry. It's an epic tale of youthful rebellion: The Time Sandy Staged a Coup & Got Rid of the Aide ;-)

Posted in , , , , , , | 1 Comment

It's Always an Adventure

Of the many ridiculously random skills that I have, one my friends enjoy is my knack for turning everyday events into an adventure. They might think they're just bringing Sandy along for the conversation when they're going to buy errands, but little do they know that instead they'll take a trip down the cargo elevator and then trek across what seems like a snowy Alaskan tundra to go back to the dorms. Whether it's getting stuck in a snowbank, looking for appropriate curb cuts, finding accessible entrances, or getting wheelchair lifts to work - what should be a simple mundane task always manages to become some humorously awkward hoopla.


Well, this one time when we went to go see a movie it was no different:

We were told that the movie we were seeing in would be upstairs, and the dreaded words "follow me, we'll take the lift..." were uttered from the usher's mouth. 
This is just my opinion but whenever I need to follow anyone to "THE LIFT" I begin to get a bit annoyed. There is probably a lot behind architectural codes and building requirements that I don't understand, but why can't we replace those shifty tin boxes that jolt up and down 5 ft at a turtle's pace with an elevator? Or better yet just a ramp of some kind? I'm sure every wheelchair user knows what I'm talking about. You roll into, quite literally a box, and the metal door slams shut. Immediately you feel like you're in a cage, or maybe some kind of amusement park ride - like this particular one at the movie theater. After a series of cranks, slides, flips, and pulling the lap bar across me - the usher had locked me inside of the metal box. This particular lift hung onto the railings of the stairwell, which by the way, was accessed by going down a rather shady hallway. And isn't it always accessed via some shady hallway?! She then took the control box which was attached to the contraption by a cord that looked like it belonged to an old fashioned telephone. The bungee jump cord was spiraled and tangled a bit, but nevertheless she got it to work. She flipped the ON switch, and pressed the magical red button - from somewhere lights began to flash, and - I kid you not - a THEME song began to play. And did you ever notice the uncertain silence that accompanies these situations? You, as the wheelchair user, appear too confident in your silence as you sit there self-assured that Yes, This Is Just Another Day In My Life - while the operator of the machine silently responds with: Yeah, I Am Just Doing My Job. Usually only a "are you ready? Here we go" is exchanged between the two parties. She walked along side me as the tin box ascended the staircase. I felt a bit like an animal being walked with a leash attached to me. 

The contraption spun around a turn on the stairwell and glided to the top of the staircase. She unlatched, unlocked, slid open, lifted up, pressed OFF, and soon I was released from the tin box. My friend and I went into Theater 1 and sat happily watching a big screen for the full 2 hours of the movie. But then we it was time to go back downstairs. 
It was someone different who operated the clanging box this time. Not thinking that it would be an issue, I told my friend that he could wait for me in the lobby and that I would meet him there in a bit. This someone different secured me into the box in the same way the first person did. Except somehow she had gotten the bungee cord wrapped around the gears of the contraption, or something like that. The point was that after 5 minutes nothing was moving, I was still at the top, patiently awaiting for the theme music to turn back on and for my slow descent to the lobby. As she fussed and tugged at the bungee cord I attempted to put a helpful look on my face. But contorting my face muscles into one of patience and calm is, I will admit, rather difficult for me. Especially when in my mind I began to play Worst Case Scenarios in my head. Would I be stuck here for hours? Will I have to leave my wheelchair here? What if this stupid box suddenly breaks on the staircase with me in it?! Will I plunge to my death? And on and on I went... 
It wasn't long after that I exchanged a few frantic text messages with my friend. We decided that he would carry me out of my wheelchair and sit me down on the bench in the lobby. It was deemed safer for the staff at the movie theater to figure out how to get my wheelchair down without me in it. 
"Sandy it's going to be okay. This doesn't really make sense - they are saying that your wheelchair might have been too heavy for the lift to begin with but you went up the staircase without a problem, going down should have been easier." My good friend sat next to me in the lobby and tried to calm me down. I sat there silent, I'm sure he could hear the wheels in my head squeaking away with a frenzy of worry and a bit of embarrassment. I thought to myself: We were just seeing a movie. Why does everything need to be such a hassle with me?! I told him that I felt bad, that it was embarrassing, that I couldn't believe this was actually happening. 

"Hi, so it's your wheelchair eh? Are you okay?" A paramedic crouched down next to me, she had blue latex gloves on. I told her that I was totally fine, that I was just chilling with my complimentary water bottle and now, 15 min later my friend and I were just hanging out with some free movie tickets the manager had given us. And why is it that emergency personnel always ask the most obvious questions? Clearly I am okay! Clearly my wheelchair is stuck. And even more so, clearly, more than 2 people were needed to carry my power wheelchair down the 2 flights of stairs. 
They called "man power" in for back-up and in a few minutes a firetruck had pulled up to the front of the theater. In walked several muscular firemen. They walked in confidently, were directed to where the problem was and though I still had to wait helplessly on the bench, just seeing them made me more hopeful. Within a few minutes of their arrival they came through the door, then they came around the concession stand and I saw a firefighter steering my wheelchair over to me. I smiled, but my grin of relief didn't come until after my friend had put me back into my wheelchair. Everything was working, everything felt the same, I was glad to have my independence literally back under me. 

Trouble-Shooting in Public:
  • Life happens and especially with public accessibility devices you can't always expect them to work 100% of the time. You can only hope and do your best to remain calm. I've learned that it doesn't change the situation much if you are sitting there frantic with worry and embarrassment over the situation
  • Tell yourself that things will work themselves out sooner or later. There are emergency personnel, elevator technicians, staff, caring friends, and your own knowledge - amongst all of that a solution will be found!
  • If your wheelchair does need to be carried or moved down/up stairs or into/out of a building - I have found it safer for me to NOT be in the seat while the chair is being moved. Have a friend or a staff person you feel confident with help seat you somewhere else that is away and safe from the commotion. 
  • Though I didn't know it at the time, I now know that it's helpful to know how much your wheelchair weighs so that you can tell employees or emergency workers what to expect
  • Don't feel embarrassed! I have learned that it's the responsibility of the place to have their equipment functioning and in working order. 
  • Making a fuss and aggravating the situation even more so as it is happening tends to put everyone involved on edge and the entire situation can become tenser. If you choose to do so, you can appropriately express your disappointment or concern with how things were handled after the problem has been solved. 

Posted in , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment
Copyright © 2011 Perfectly Imperfecta. Powered by Blogger.

Search