Showing posts with label strange things people say. Show all posts

Sometimes I think that there must be some manual or pamphlet that many able-bodied folks in society refer to when they come across someone with a disability. Maybe it's titled something like: Helpful Phrases When Speaking to Person with Disability. Specifically this is a manual that I wasn't really privy to reading; instead I often find myself looking back at the speaker wondering, what planet did you come from?! 

1. Hey shawty! (Except in this case it is not cool like in the way rap or r&b stars use it in their songs, and even when it is a lyric that is a questionable compliment. I mean, seriously now.)

2. Did it take your parents a long time to teach you to go to the restroom by yourself? (Say what!? Did it take your parents a long time to teach you how to be civil? Wait -- you probably can't answer that because they're clearly still teaching you.)

3. Would it be helpful if I opened both doors for you? (Thank you asshole, for the helpful reminder of just how short I am because indeed, I can roll right underneath your armpit.)

4. How fast does your chair go? (So fast I don't have time to answer your question right now because the chair has a mind of its own, and it is taking me away. So fast.)

5. It must be so hard for you to buy clothes. (Seriously that is not something to just say to a person unless you have a helpful follow-up. Something that is not "my little girl has American Doll clothes..")

6. Can you walk at all? (Can you have original thoughts, at all?)

7. So you can't walk at all? Not even to the front of the plane? (If I could I would have walked over to your face and put my foot up your... *sigh* never mind.)

8. My grandmother has a chair that's kinda like yours.. (I never know the rest of what that person is saying because I have already long zoned out.)

9. Is it painful? (Right now hearing you, yes. It is.)

10. I don't know how you deal. I just couldn't imagine! (Well don't try too hard! You might hurt yourself more than a broken bone.)

11. You're so lucky you get to sit all day! (You're so lucky I'm not tall enough to sock you in the face.. but your crotch is just the right height)

12. You're probably used to doctors and needles and stuff right? (Why yes, my immunizations are all up to date. And you?)

13. Oh you've been through so much already, let me do this for you there's no reason you need to go through anything more. (Because HOLY CRAP! I feel like I'm one step closer to a cure after what you've done. Geezus call-up the New England Journal of Medicine, we have ourselves a breakthrough!)

14. I had a friend back in third grade who had SomeMedicalConditionOrIllness and you remind me of her a lot. But she passed away... umm but.. it wasn't related to the SomeMedicalConditionOrIllness though. (Oh *phew* good to know. Wanna tell me what happened? Did your friend get hit by a bus?)

Confession: I say "oh thanks" after this is said to me. Even though, really? I am not thinking that I am thankful for anything (generally) when this is said to me.

In truth when this is said to me I think that I am being reminded, yet again, that I have *something* to be strong about. Something that the person saying to me, doesn't have. A reminder of my difference. And I know that this thinking has many errors to it! Because I am the person who believes the best of everyone, I believe that everyone lives a life where they have something to be strong for. Something that takes courage in the honesty that we each live our lives with. Still though, this statement bugs me.

Because I'm not a strong person in so many ways. I need someone else's help when opening or pouring a gallon of juice or milk because otherwise it will spill everywhere in that first pour. I need ten more minutes in bed on Monday mornings, ten minutes that inevitably always makes me at least ten minutes late. I do not do horror movies. I don't care how little blood or how fake-looking the creepy monster is - I just don't. I need juice to chase away the liquid Robitussin that I take when I get sick. Also, I need to build myself up to the taste of the liquid Robitussin that I take (and this takes some amount of mental coaxing.) For the first two months of school I always have to write down everything I say before I actually say them, until I get used to things. I make my friends wait with me for the bus at night because I do not want to wait by myself, or I resort to the pretend-to-talk-on-my-phone trick. When winter arrives I shake my boots upside down with unnecessary vigor in case there are spiders, or spider eggs that have somehow gotten inside during the other months I wasn't wearing them. And also in new places I've never slept before (like hotel rooms), I have to have the bathroom light left on because otherwise I get... umm.. nervous.

In my mind those are the things that I have had to be strong for in my life. Those are the things where I have actually had to take effort and say "okay, I can do this.. this is actually just an illogical fear because I am a ridiculous and absurd freakazoid." But the person who tells me "you're such a strong person" probably doesn't know about any of those absurdities. I know this because usually... I have been told "you're such a strong person" for the really simple things that I do. The things that I don't really have a choice about doing.
I don't have a choice in getting out of bed and going about my day. But I have been told "you're such a strong person" for doing just that! I don't have a choice in going to school with a cast on.. because, well because my parents said I need to go or I'll be in even more trouble! I don't have a choice in the surgery that I needed because that was the only option that would make me better. I also didn't have a choice when I went to that job interview because in order to reach my goal of employment, failed job interviews is a part of the process. I didn't have a choice in talking about why I'm disabled in front of my classmates because in my mind I knew this would help me be safer in school, and help my classmates feel more comfortable around me. I didn't have a choice when it came to learning how to advocate for myself because I learned that's one of the ways a person with a disability survives. And yet in each of those moments I was told "you're such a strong person."

Is it because I haven't let being disabled sideline me? Haven't let it keep me at home twiddling my thumbs and pleading to the gods about why? Well, in that case everyone that I see walking about the city streets are also such a strong person. But how come no one is telling them that?....Exactly. That's what I thought too.

Maybe all of this is strange to me because it's a matter of perspective. Because I, quite frankly, do not know of any other such life than the one I am doing such kind of living in.