One of my loyal twitter followers noted that these questions ALWAYS start off like that. I know what your mother and your teacher told you but there are such things as 'stupid' questions. Being in a wheelchair and 'looking different' I have gotten all kinds of practical, and the more absurdly ridonkulous questions thrown my way. I will share a collection of the 'Special' Questions that made it into the Truly Stupid Questions Hall of Fame. And yes, I actually did give these responses.

Q: Have you ever broken a bone from farting?
A: No but we can try it out right now if you want

Q: Can I play with your wheelchair's joystick?
A: (Usually I scream this at the top of my lungs) STOP MAN HANDLING MY JOYSTICK! 
Many of my friends have asked me this because they think it's fun or 'cool' to drive my wheelchair; I guess if you're my friend there are certain perks to rollin' with me ;-) But I'd like to say something else about this question -- It's slightly stupid to me because in my mind it's like asking someone who is able-bodied "Can I play with your legs?" You try asking someone that and let me know how that goes for you. 


Q: How do you know when you've broken a bone?
A: ....Cuz it'll hurt...like... a sh*t ton!
I think it's similar to asking someone how do you know when you have a migraine or a headache?

Q: You went to college?
A: I didn't just GO, I even graduated!


Q: How fast does your wheelchair go?
A: It goes as fast as I need it to go.
Q: So like 30 mph?
A: No, I don't need it to go 30 mph. It goes as fast as I need it to go, most importantly it goes faster than you.
I don't really understand the fascination with people wanting to know how fast things go. Okay, it is pretty cool and all but... so? In the end people who walk are usually still panting out of breath behind me, or just annoyed that I am not waiting for them. 


Q: You can go to the bathroom by yourself?!
A: Yeah, I even know how to work those automatic hand-dryers and soap dispensers....All. By. Myself!


Q (over the telephone): Wait you're really over 18?
A: Yep. I know I sound young over the phone, I get it a lot.
Q: I can't believe this! You sound like you're about 9! Where's your mother? I don't believe you, prove it to me. Is this a joke?
A: ...it's about to be a joke because I am about to laugh at you for being such a cretin you ginormous tool shed.
Q: Oh. Okay. Yeah...uhh..I guess a little kid wouldn't know those words.

Q: How do you get dressed in the morning?
A: I have fairies that come out of my closet that put clothes on me the same way the little birds put Cinderella's dress on

Q: How do you sleep?
A: Hanging upside down from the rafters in a bubble, breathing in special calcium air that helps my bones get stronger.


Tell'em Like It Is: 

• I know that in most of my tips about communicating with others I am always urging people to be considerate, patient, and polite. But sometimes the situation calls for just giving other people a straight-up honest answer. Maybe a little too honest at times
• Try to have an amused tone when you give snarky answers; there's a difference between giving rude snarky answers and sarcastic/amusing snarky responses
• Be confident about yourself when you respond! People are asking YOU the question, so you should stick to your opinions and beliefs, don't worry about what others might think. If they wanted to they could have asked someone else the question instead, but they asked YOU
• Sometimes questions can seem downright rude. Whenever I get these kinds of questions I make sure that my response includes a tone that lets the other person know that 1. I am slightly offended 2. their question was not okay 3. they better get ready to get slammed back!