Showing posts with label dumb questions disabled people get asked. Show all posts

Whether it's Social Security, medical forms, health insurance, housing, transportation, etc. How many of us have had to fill out forms that asked us:
Please check off all health conditions that apply -- 
Or my favorite:
Please list applicant's medical condition(s) and any changes to his/her health in the past year. 
(Because really? Is there ever enough space in that empty rectangle for all of those changes?) 


For today's post I'm going to list some answers that I wish I could write down in those forms. Of course, as you should hopefully know by now, any whimsical thoughts from me are usually a bit tongue-in-cheek. 

Do you or anyone in your family have an injury, illness, or disability that has lasted or is expected to last 12 months? Check yes or no.
Can I check both 'Yes' and 'No' here? Yes, it has lasted 12 months. No I hope and don't expect it to last 12 months, though it probably will. Thanks for the reminder.

Do you or any family member need healthcare because of an accident or injury? 
Seriously? I don't even understand why you bothered typing that question. No, instead of healthcare for the accident or injury - I'm going to put my lucky socks on every night and wish on a shooting star. 

Has a lawsuit, workers' compensation claim, or an insurance claim for an accident or injury been filed? 
Why? Are you going to be paying for those legal fees? If I filed a lawsuit for every accident or injury - I could be a young 20something and happily retired. Instead I'm a young 20something who hopes to add more to society than sue the community center door that slammed into, and broke my arm.

Does the applicant require a wheelchair, walker, crutches, or other mobility device?
Yes the applicant requires a wheelchair. But mostly I require my brain and a smart-aleck mouth to get me and everyone else moving and mobile. 

Can the applicant navigate public transportation independently?
Are you kidding? No one can navigate this city's public transportation independently! But more importantly the question should be - is your public transportation accessible to the public? Or is it just accessible to some members of the public? 

Please explain the applicant's disability and provide the exact medical diagnosis, along with any changes in his or her health in the past 6 months.
The applicant's disability limits her tolerance for ignoramuses, and inane questions that don't serve to move her closer to her goals. It is also marked by a shorter than average stature in patience for slow paper-processing-robots who suck on Butterscotch candies all day. Osteogenesis Imperfecta, Type III. No changes in health in the past 6 months, aside from a slight increase in alcohol tolerance from being able to finish half a beer to a whole beer. Liver function remained unaffected at last medical check-up.   

Are there other form-questions that annoy you to have to fill-out every. single. time? Let me know what I missed!

There are a handful of sayings I get told a lot that I rarely verbalize a response. Mostly because I am afraid it will sound rude, and partly because I'm not sure if it's inappropriate. I am also still trying to figure out that fine line between other people's ignorance vs. their way of caring. The last thing that I would want to do is to dash off someone's attempt to care despite the fact that it may come off as ignorant.

Anyway, here we go:

Them: I wouldn't be able to get out of bed if I were you.
My Thoughts: Well, after that comment I wouldn't even call myself a human being if I were you!


Them: You are such an inspiration to be able to do all that you do.
My Thoughts: Not really, I'm just willing to work and try a little harder. And more than willing to fail. (<-- that's a secret between you and me)


Them: Aww sweetie, are you okay? Oh you poor thing.
My Thoughts: I'm fine, but you should get your head checked out. I'm not a lost puppy in the rain.


Them: It must be so frustrating for you to have to deal with this.
My Thoughts: To deal with your assumptions? Yes. To deal with my life? On the rare occasion. I mean, I've made it this far haven't I?



Them: I can't imagine having to face the things you must face everyday.
My Thoughts: I can't imagine having such a narrow perspective. But anyway, aren't we all living beneath the same sky?

One of my loyal twitter followers noted that these questions ALWAYS start off like that. I know what your mother and your teacher told you but there are such things as 'stupid' questions. Being in a wheelchair and 'looking different' I have gotten all kinds of practical, and the more absurdly ridonkulous questions thrown my way. I will share a collection of the 'Special' Questions that made it into the Truly Stupid Questions Hall of Fame. And yes, I actually did give these responses.

Q: Have you ever broken a bone from farting?
A: No but we can try it out right now if you want

Q: Can I play with your wheelchair's joystick?
A: (Usually I scream this at the top of my lungs) STOP MAN HANDLING MY JOYSTICK! 
Many of my friends have asked me this because they think it's fun or 'cool' to drive my wheelchair; I guess if you're my friend there are certain perks to rollin' with me ;-) But I'd like to say something else about this question -- It's slightly stupid to me because in my mind it's like asking someone who is able-bodied "Can I play with your legs?" You try asking someone that and let me know how that goes for you. 


Q: How do you know when you've broken a bone?
A: ....Cuz it'll hurt...like... a sh*t ton!
I think it's similar to asking someone how do you know when you have a migraine or a headache?

Q: You went to college?
A: I didn't just GO, I even graduated!


Q: How fast does your wheelchair go?
A: It goes as fast as I need it to go.
Q: So like 30 mph?
A: No, I don't need it to go 30 mph. It goes as fast as I need it to go, most importantly it goes faster than you.
I don't really understand the fascination with people wanting to know how fast things go. Okay, it is pretty cool and all but... so? In the end people who walk are usually still panting out of breath behind me, or just annoyed that I am not waiting for them. 


Q: You can go to the bathroom by yourself?!
A: Yeah, I even know how to work those automatic hand-dryers and soap dispensers....All. By. Myself!


Q (over the telephone): Wait you're really over 18?
A: Yep. I know I sound young over the phone, I get it a lot.
Q: I can't believe this! You sound like you're about 9! Where's your mother? I don't believe you, prove it to me. Is this a joke?
A: ...it's about to be a joke because I am about to laugh at you for being such a cretin you ginormous tool shed.
Q: Oh. Okay. Yeah...uhh..I guess a little kid wouldn't know those words.

Q: How do you get dressed in the morning?
A: I have fairies that come out of my closet that put clothes on me the same way the little birds put Cinderella's dress on

Q: How do you sleep?
A: Hanging upside down from the rafters in a bubble, breathing in special calcium air that helps my bones get stronger.


Tell'em Like It Is: 

• I know that in most of my tips about communicating with others I am always urging people to be considerate, patient, and polite. But sometimes the situation calls for just giving other people a straight-up honest answer. Maybe a little too honest at times
• Try to have an amused tone when you give snarky answers; there's a difference between giving rude snarky answers and sarcastic/amusing snarky responses
• Be confident about yourself when you respond! People are asking YOU the question, so you should stick to your opinions and beliefs, don't worry about what others might think. If they wanted to they could have asked someone else the question instead, but they asked YOU
• Sometimes questions can seem downright rude. Whenever I get these kinds of questions I make sure that my response includes a tone that lets the other person know that 1. I am slightly offended 2. their question was not okay 3. they better get ready to get slammed back!