If I Had a Million Dollars...

American superstar Beyoncé recently gave birth to a daughter, Blue Ivy Carter. Among the reports of this new addition for Beyoncé and her husband Jay-Z is the 'over the top demands' they requested for the arrival of their first born, at the cost of a mere 1.3 million dollars... 
Since my orthopedic doctor has been seeing me since birth, my parents used to joke that I too get VIP service. I never wait in the waiting room and am able to directly page him when a fracture happens; rarely has he ever said that he won't be able to see me the same day a break happens. (It might be much later on in the day, after he has performed about 3 other operations on other O.I. patients..but it's always worth the wait).
So, what if I could have "swanky" hospital treatment at $1.3 million - what would I ask for?

1. A wave less waterbed that awaits me on the x-ray table. Instead of just lying on the hard and cold x-ray table, I would like the cover of the mattress to be silk covered - please and thank you. Wave less water beds are made up of water and air that can be set to personal preferences in terms of water to air ratio, and amount of wave reduction. Ideally something that takes the pressure off and is able to support fractures without me holding an injured area. Also, if a duplicate of that waterbed mattress could also be waiting for me in the cast room - that would be great too.

2. An iPad that is connected to the hospital network. These days you are able to send an 'electronic page' to doctors within the hospital network, and all of the x-rays are uploaded digitally into the hospital records. With an internally connected iPad I would be able to see the x-ray being uploaded in real time AND let my doctor know that I was done with the x-ray and will see him soon in the cast room.

3. Designer cast fashions. How awesome would it be if I could have a Ralph Lauren Polo cast design? Complete, of course, with the signature polo emblem printed on the cast. Or maybe the classic Paul Frank monkey face? Or even better, to have my favorite Vera Bradley pattern cover a broken arm? (In case you're wondering, it's java blue..) All casts would be waterproof of course.

4. A security guard. He'll mostly be for eye candy purposes but also block younger patients from accidentally bumping, running, hopping, skipping, or crawling onto me. Oh, and he'll warn off the hospital clowns...

5. On demand supply of green jell-o. Because I like green jell-o and I know the hospital has endless amounts of it. And cherry popsicles too, please and thank you. Hold the ginger ale because I know the hospital makes killer milk shakes. STAT!

6. Personal wheelchair and wheelchair pusher. Sometimes if I have a broken arm or leg it makes sitting up in my regular chair difficult or just impossible. It would be nice to have a gel-seat cushion manual wheelchair waiting for me at the hospital, and a charming conversational wheelchair pusher (personally interviewed by me first) to keep me company as well.

7. Oxygen bar in my recovery room. Because why not? Let's make that oxygen mask more fun! Dude seriously -- could you imagine this experience while on codeine and morphine? Maybe I'd be able to discover the solution to the healthcare problem in this country!

8. On Demand cable or Netflix hook-up in my post-surgery room. There's only so much day time television a person on morphine and codeine can handle. Well, I'm just sayin'... What about a shelf of the top 10 NYTimes best sellers? Or the top rack of the gossip magazines in grocery store check out lines? Or an iTunes gift card so that I can download all the addicting app games on that iPad? How much money do I have left at this point? Heck -- let's just get'em all!

... Okay, okay, I've had my fun of day-dreaming. As you can see there are probably a million other things that I could dream-up that would make my hospital stays and appointments more comfortable. But the point is that unlike Beyoncé, I have figured out what I NEED to get better. 80% of that knowledge is from personal life experiences, and the other 20% comes from a mixture of trusting my doctors and their own knowledge. The next time you are at a crossroads of decisions with your doctors, think about the fine lines that differ between: medical need, requirements, and wants! 

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