Dear Continuously Breaking Self,

Already? Again? I mean I know it's supposed to happen because you were born with this - but no one said anything about breaking in rapid successions.

Doctors and pamphlets only ever have phrases like "fragile.." "may have more than a hundred fractures before adulthood..." "bones are prone to breaks..." They don't ever say things like "after you break your femur because your elbow slipped off the desk and landed on it wrong... you will then break your other femur in some other random freak accident, five weeks later. Oh and you will be 13 years old. So while your friends are all experiencing growth spurts and changing shoe sizes every month, you'll be changing casts instead." No one ever says that to you. You're just supposed to realize that on your own. 

And I know that your parents told you about how you broke every month when you were a baby, but that was when you were much younger. That was back before you had any real memory, those fractures are filed away in the hospital's memory - they can be found in slides 1-58 in Volume I of Patient X-rays. Those are not burdens that you carry, so when your parents say things like "it's happening again..." you sit there silently wondering "but what's happening again? Does that make it any easier for you? For me?" And you'll realize, on your own, that the answer is no it doesn't make it any easier. Not really. This is when you realize how lucky you were, in a weird way, when you were much younger and have no recollection of what was going on. You'll realize the meaning of the saying ignorance is bliss. 
Perhaps this is when you start to think about how unfair things can be. You might even begin to think about how little choice it seems you might have, in the grand scheme of things. You didn't get to choose whether or not you'd get this particular gene mutation (because no one did). You didn't get to choose whether or not you'd break a bone in the middle of your favorite class (because why couldn't it have been math instead?). You didn't get to choose whether or not you'd break the same bone that had just healed two weeks later. And you certainly don't get to choose how long it takes before you are healed again. The list could go on about all the things that you didn't get to choose to do or have happen. Here's a secret though: It's the same thing for everyone, just a different set of choices they don't get to choose. 

But that's not what any of this is about - in the grand scheme of things. People don't brag about all the life choices they don't get to choose. People are not making lives and futures from the choices they had no choice in - progress is made from the decisions we do make. And then you'll realize that there are always options. For every choice you don't get to choose, there is at least one other choice that you do get to have the option to make. It's a one-to-one ratio. So for every bone that breaks we have the option of taking care of ourselves in order to heal faster. We have the option of continuing our day-to-day routine the best that we can. We have the option of learning from our mistakes. We have the option of now remembering what our body can and cannot do. We have the option of gritting our teeth and toughing it out. We have the option to decide that this is not going to be a reason to stop.

In the mean time just remember that doctors and pamphlets will always tell you things that you must know. That's really all the job of an "official authority" boils down to. They might not always tell you what you should know. That stuff you probably will have to realize on your own.

Be well,

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