Showing posts with label standards. Show all posts

How many of us make excuses for ourselves? Probably everyone. I myself am notorious for saying "okay, I'll get it done later." These are the things that we tell ourselves because we would rather not deal with something, or just don't have the time to complete a task right at that moment. Since we have created these statements on our own, we inevitably end up listening to these excuses.

How many of us hear excuses that are made for us? Probably everyone too. The difference between excuses that others give us is that it's not internal, and we do have the option to hear these statements. But what's evil about excuses is that they are so often the easy way out of things. They are tempting to buy into, the reward for taking an excuse is readily there at your front door, there's no effort or work to it - just nod and sign your name.
But from my own experience I have always found that accepting the excuses others present to us is quite frankly boring. There is no adventure to it, the ending of the situation seems to have already been known, and I find myself crossing the finish line guiltily because the "win" seems undeserved.
I have also observed that people are quick to present an excuse for people with a disability because it's just easier. But only for them.
There is nothing easy about swallowing assumptions that are being handed to you. Each time this happens a person is ultimately accepting a limitation that is being enforced by someone else out of various conveniences. Every time I have done this it seems like I have willingly taken on some part of me that is false or a fraud. For instance I have thought: "really? Did I really just agree that getting admitted to the aquarium for free makes up for the fact that it's not accessible? So getting a free ride is the solution to inaccessibility?" This is an excuse because it's just easier and more convenient, but for who? Since I can only speak for myself, free-loading off of society or our communities is not an image I want to reflect who I am.
By giving someone an ending that is already known is the easiest way to face fears, or to dissuage any discomfort. For the person with the disability? I often times see it as an assumption that people have of me, or a stereotype that at that moment I have the choice to either promote or change.

My FM system had died minutes before and my policy debate partner and I were prepping for the next round of the competition. As we shuffled through papers and talked over strategies for potential arguments, I kept glancing over to where it was being charged - hoping that the little red flashing light would miraculously turn green.
"Are you sure you'll be able to follow the arguments?" She asked me. Visibly nervous about whether or not I would be able to perform as well. [If you are unfamiliar with policy debate, just youtube it and you will see high school students gasping for air as they careen through 8-12 arguments in 2 minutes. Yes I was one of those nerds].
"Yeah I think I'll be okay. I'll just sit a little closer in front and not off to the side to read his lips better."
"Okay, it's just that they're one of the best teams in the state. I mean we could have someone substitute for you, he's gonna go fast and I don't think that you'll - "
"I'll be fine" I assured her.
During that next round my partner and I had better communication between us than all the previous rounds. We scribbled notes, changed courses of arguments, and were on the same page when it came time for us to respond. Maybe it was because we stepped up our game in the face of a tough challenger, but I think in large part it was because we were both focused and more determined to not miss a single word. The truth is that we were more than fine. We had won.

Excuses can come from the most well-meaning people like our families, friends, parents, teachers. They might not always come off as negative, and we might not even be aware that it is an excuse that we were just handed - the point is though that every time we hear a statement being made about us we have the choice to agree with it or disprove it. What could have been an easy exit may very well be your next opportunity to act.


"I must create my own system, or be enslaved by another man's; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create." - William Blake

As a technology dependent nerd who always has her power wheelchair cranked to the highest speed, I have become someone who expects instantaneous results. These are no longer just habits of mine but have become a way of life, and it's not something I'm necessarily proud to admit.
I'm driven by progress that is tangible, things that I can see and acknowledge so that I know what to do next in order to reach my goals. Those are often the day-to-day things that drive me to continue. When I have a great one-on-one session with a client I am energized to do follow-ups. When I do well on an exam in school I can factor that into my GPA and make note of the study tips. When I successfully talk my friend into buying me lunch I know what methods of persuasion will work for the next time. But what about the things that I have less patience with? What about the things that aren't so tangible and the progress I won't be able to see for years to come?

Slipping my wrists through the crutches I recalled to memory the crutch, step, crutch, step pattern that I had just gotten under my belt before the rod operation. It was now eight months later and my physical therapist had gotten the green light to have me walking again; she was excited, I was cautiously excited, and everyone seemed to expect the latest rod operation to do wonders. There was talk of me walking for longer distances, for longer periods of time, maybe even some day navigating stairs in the crutches. But at that moment I couldn't see the end result and was frustrated that I had to begin at what seemed like square negative eight before getting to even square one. I even thought to myself "why am I doing this when it's just so much easier and faster to zoom around in my chair?"
I sat on the foot plate of the chair, crutches dangling from my wrists and looked up at my physical therapist,
"I have to start ALL over again?! This is gonna take forever and be so slow and annoying."
"It's going to take time but you'll get there." She assured me, motioning to get a move on already.

So I took a few steps and walked for about 15 yards and every ten yards my P.T. would ask me "how do you feel?" I was focused on the floor, my brain had little else going on in it aside from the crutch, step, crutch pattern - remembering which foot to move when after which crutch had moved forward. Without ever looking up at her I kept my eyes trained on what I was doing, I told her I felt "fine" each time she asked. In my mind I was eager to get to meet the expectations everyone had about me walking further and longer, I wanted to do it on the first day back to walking. I wanted results and immediate progress.
After however many yards my legs started feeling weary, my arms trembled a bit in the crutches, my palms had become sweaty against the grip, and the next time my P.T. asked how I felt I gave in and said "tired now."
"Do you think you can walk back to your chair?" She asked me. Slowly, I turned around and looked at the distance I had covered, it was enough to make the chair look like a speck in the background. I could just barely make out the foot rest that I had sat on just twenty minutes before.
"We can sit on the carpet and rest for a few minutes before we head back" she suggested.

In my naivety to break expectations and shatter standards on DAY ONE, I have slowly come to realize that there is a huge gap between day one and the eventual realization of my goals. What fills this gap? Persistence. Focus. Determination. But above anything else, most of that gap is going to consist of your energy to keep the urge to quit at bay.


Fight the Good Fight:

• Don't get lost in translation. When you think about step one and how it will ever get you to your goal, it's easy to get intimidated by that distance. But don't feel warped by the distance! Translating step one to meeting your goal means taking just one step. And that's all that it means. 
• Be realistic. Goals are goals because they require a plan and a time frame. Tasks are things that take less than a day to complete or require fewer steps. Ask yourself, are you completing a task or a goal?
• Don't miss out on anything. Despite the thousands of ways that we can now record and share our lives, it's still easy to miss out on opportunities and people if you're always rushing to complete a goal for the sake of completing a goal. Look around every now and then, evaluate, recommend, or maybe take a few steps back. 
• Look back. When you do take that first step remember how great it feels. The thrill, the excitement, the uncertainty, maybe even the terror of it - so that as you're moving on towards your goal you can strive to create more of those moments or relish in the progress you are already making!