Showing posts with label breaking barriers. Show all posts

The tagline for this blog is: Breaking Barriers One Post at a Time. Having almost had this sucker for nearly two years now, I think it's high time that I 'fess up as to what barriers it is that I'm breaking. I owe it to my regular readers and to newer readers who want to know what they're getting into!
Most of my readers have some kind of disability whether it's O.I. or something else. And within that population I'm sure most of those folks are only all-too-acquainted with the mantra of people in the disability community "breaking barriers".. or "overcoming obstacles."

I'm not really overcoming obstacles. And nor am I breaking barriers for you.

Other than the mountain of books that I have to read I am not scaling any kind of peak to raise money for a cure. I'm also not participating in an Ironman or triathlon to raise awareness, unless you consider the marathon of Parks & Rec on Netflix while scooping mild salsa onto tortilla chips... to raise the awareness for The Rights of All People on Three Day Weekends. And I'm definitely not going on speaking tours around the country at schools or corporations to instill a 'can-do' spirit. But there are a lot of people with a variety of disabilities who are doing these things and a whole heck of a lot more! I'm just not one of them because I'm more comfortable doing this. This is what I know how to do best.

When I write blog entries about fracture management, rod surgeries, experiences in the classroom, going to college, and just a whole jumble of other topics in between --- I'm breaking barriers for myself. On a good day readers might zip me a message saying that they found my entry really relatable, or allowed them to think in a way that they hadn't before. On an even better day readers might share the link of the post on their own facebook wall, or tweet it to their friends - believing that my ramblings should be read by their own friends and family they care about. And those are all super helpful to me as the blogger because it gives me an idea as to who my audience is and what types of missives y'all might find appealing.
However all of my entries only serve as an example for my readers as to what has been done, and what is possible, and what are some of the thoughts and feelings that might result. The 'barrier-breaking' part starts with me. It is somewhere between the second an idea for a blog post floats into my head and when I write that first sentence. I am breaking barriers for myself by becoming more comfortable with who I am as a disabled person; and while there are many ways in my life that I'm doing this - writing about my experiences is definitely one of the most compelling and self-revelatory ways for me.

Since readers are only able to see the side of "breaking barriers" that appears in the form of a published blog post, many of you don't see or know about the barriers that I don't break. Sometimes I sit for longer than I have time for in front of the computer trying to decide whether or not I have enough "balls" to write on various topics, and too many times I end up chickening out. When moments like that happen it's either because I am:
1. Too shy
2. Too inexperienced / don't think I'm as knowledgable about a topic enough to babble about it
3. Just don't think it's a 'good enough' blog topic
4. I get this m'eh "no one is really going to care" feeling

But by writing about my experiences it has allowed me to gain confidence and the ability to talk about issues that relate to me having a disability. If nothing else the biggest barrier I've broken and probably will continue to be breaking is the confusion about myself. And I've kept up with it simply because I care about myself enough to want to do this, and also because I love writing. It's just that simple.

So I think that's what I'd like readers to think about when they hear or read about someone else who is moving mountains and scaling world records: what are you doing to break your own barriers? You are not so different from them, the only difference is that maybe you just haven't begun yet. The good news is that every hour of everyday marks another starting line for you, go forth!

It was a tough decision to decide whether or not to write about who I'm voting for on Tuesday November 6th. I try to keep politics, religions, and other 'debate-heavy' stuff out of this space. I save it for my friends and family in real life.. ;-) Ultimately, what *really* put me over the edge to write this post is because this blog is about breaking barriers. And if the act of voting (regardless of who or what it is for) isn't about breaking barriers... then I'm not sure what is!

Barack Obama is a barrier breaker. And I'm really proud to say that my first time voting went to him for that reason alone. Not only do I have no idea what's behind the wall Mitt Romney seems intent on breaking, but I cannot say beyond a shadow of a doubt that Romney himself believes in the sound-bytes he spews. And that is a statement coming from someone who was raised in, and went to college in Massachusetts. 

What are some of the options and potential the Obama Administration has been creating? Let's run down some highlights.
1.) Healthcare.
Set-aside the issues of anti-choice and whether or not Catholic universities should cover birth control. If you are reading this, chances are good that you know someone with a genetic or pre-existing condition. The Affordable Care Act creates the option for those with a pre-existing condition to access health insurance. Prior to this insurance companies could deny an individual due to some faulty DNA strand no one has ever heard about. The ACA is also inclusive of those with disabilities in the practice of preventative healthcare. If our friends and other family members go to annual check-ups and their doctors suggest mammograms, and other routine exams -- those of us with a disability should also be expected to have the same routine treatment. Having O.I. doesn't mean that the other routine exams get shuffled under the carpet! The ACA sets standards so that diagnostic medical equipment can be appropriately adapted to those with a disability. Being short doesn't mean I shouldn't have a mammogram. Being 17 and actively dating doesn't mean your primary care physician won't ask about STD's, or "forget to suggest a pap smear" because you sit in a wheelchair. These are opportunities that are available, and the potential for dollars and lives saved is one I believe worth voting for.

2.) Employment.
It wasn't until I got older that I realized the hypocrisy of those things many refer to as "disability benefits." Because if you find yourself wondering: if I accept this job, will I lose my benefit? ...How beneficial is it really? For many people that benefit is also tied to eligibility for Medicaid. And if you do accept that job, will your employer's insurance company have the liberty to reject your coverage due to a pre-existing condition? For anyone with O.I. x-rays, cast, physical therapy, renting a reclinable wheelchair -- could easily and rapidly exceed that lifetime cap many insurance companies provide. Never mind multiple instances for x-rays, casts, and pain medications. These are not questions or considerations anyone should have to decide. And yet thousands of adults with disabilities do. I know this because I was one, and because in 2011 the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported among those with disabilities 17.8% are working compared to 63.6% of those without a a disability. There is at least one person in that 82.2% of people with disabilities not working because s/he is afraid to lose 'benefits.' One person who is not contributing what they are able to and what they want to - because they have put their disability before their life goals. I lead a life where I'm lucky that is not the case, and I would say that it's been fairly successful -- I want that one other person to have the option and potential to experience the same success. That's a shared experience worth voting for.
Here's another fun fact: It wasn't until February 2009 that the Bureau of Labor Statistics included those with disabilities in the population count for employment data. I'm voting for the clear actions this Administration has made to reflect the potential for a demographic that I'm proud to be a part of. It's clear that our economy is in shambles. It's glaringly obvious that we need all the help we can get. I want to be a part of getting America back on its feet. I want to be able to contribute to a robust economy. I'm voting for a guy and an Administration that allows me to do this, this is a vote because they've noted I matter and that I count.

3.) Education.
Hopefully by now, you all know I'm all about rockin' the nerd-power, and I'm pro-school and early-intervention & literacy. And hopefully, by now, you also know what a great nerd and pro-education guy Obama is too! But let's set-aside the fact that nerds will always have the backs of their fellow nerds.  Thanks to such legislation like The ADA, Title I, and the IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) -- students with disabilities are able to access, attend, and participate in an education system. But it's through the actions from himself and his Administration that included: vouching for & celebrating the IDEA, for signing into law the 21st Century Communications & Video Accessibility Act, ensuring that ebooks & other classroom technology are accessible to all, by preserving funding for Title I, III, and Head Start Programs... this is an Administration who believes more than just students with disabilities being there in class. This is an Administration that sees the value and benefit from public school systems, it's an Administration that realizes teachers and school systems need to be trained to work with students with varying learning styles, he's a guy that realizes how crucial adaptive technology is to attaining education for many students with disabilities. I'm voting for Obama because it's clear that for him, education isn't just something a first-world country should be able to provide to all of its young people. This is a vote for the great potential that someday the complete inclusion of those with disabilities in society will not be an option but instead a reality - and it's a reality that I can see his Administration is trying to create in the classroom first.

....I could go on really. He's a guy who believes in the option of same-sex marriage should be available to all who want that choice. He's a guy who believes in the potential of volunteers to serve as part of the solution for many local and community problems. He's a guy who believes in the potential of American workers. He's a guy who knows what it means to raise daughters, and to give them options regarding their own bodies and healthcare.

Being a barrier breaker is more than just proving others wrong. It's more than just showing people that YES WE CAN do this. In actuality, being a barrier breaker has little to do with knocking down walls and breaking assumptions. As I watch and learn from my role models from The Hill to my classmates - being a barrier breaker has everything to do with believing in what's behind the wall you're breaking down.
Breaking barriers has less to do with destruction and more to do with creating options, and creating potential for others who are following your lead and look up to you. From what I have gathered so far, breaking barriers is something a person does because s/he believes their own success depends on the success of others -- otherwise, what is the point? And that's why on Tuesday, I'll be voting again for Barack Obama.

For the parents/teachers who are reading this you might be silently groaning in your head and thinking "Sandy! What. Are. You. Doing. Now?!" And for the young people reading this -- don't get too excited because this is not a green light to go on a wild lawless escapade!

Every human being is limited by what his or her body will allow us to do. We have yet to spread our wings and fly, we cannot breathe through gills, and have no internal water-storage system to last us months in a desert. But despite the limitations bound within our flesh and organs, we have clearly found ways to adapt through years of technology and science. This adaption is what I mean when I encourage "rule breaking." It might not be a written rule set in stone that states: "No human being may traverse the galaxies" but for quite sometime this was the assumed boundary we set on ourselves. Then there were many uber geniuses who crunched numbers and built gadgets, and that boundary was soon smashed to smithereens!

So what about for people with more physical limitations than the 'average' human being? Within the population of those with O.I. we have clearly seen the benefits of science and technology, and how for many young children the 'old rules' of O.I. have long since broken. There are kids who will be taller than 3ft, kids who were once never expected to walk are now running, there are children playing baseball and hundreds of other sports! As I had written in a previous entry, the benefits of discovery have been tremendous and as an 'older generation' O.I. I am of course jealous.
(Just because we have a disability doesn't mean we should accept a life of complacency, abiding my social assumptions, or even the expectations we have of our own bodies. If you ask me those are all the ingredients to a very, very, very dull life).
But it's important for us to keep in mind that what led to that first discovery was someone who dared to break the rules. Someone somewhere thought: it should be possible for someone with O.I. to have near-average height. It should be possible for a child with O.I. to run without use of a walker or crutches. It should be possible for someone with O.I. to participate in sports, and to have more durable bones. Someone came up with the idea to break those initial assumptions. Someone asked themselves and their colleagues "Well what if we did this..."

One afternoon in the seventh grade I asked myself that very question while sitting after school in detention. Who knows what I had done this time around, but there I was sitting silently in the classroom... pretending to reflect "very seriously about your behavior." As you might believe sitting silently - and very still - should be something that comes easily for someone with brittle bones, but as life would have it that's one of the most difficult things for me to do! OF COURSE I had no intention of sitting in that classroom for 30 min, never mind "very still and silently." I wanted out and I began thinking of ways for me to get out of detention.
From the corner of my eye I saw my friend A begin to slowly slide down in his seat to the point where he was basically sitting on the floor. The teacher was busy working with another student, some nerdy and diligent 7th grader who came after school for more help understanding molecules. Suffice to say the teacher was not paying attention to the delinquents he was supposed to watching in detention. Within a minute A had crawled to the side of my wheelchair and whispered "ask to go to the bathroom..." Immediately the plan began to take shape, I understood what was going on!
I raised my hand and asked to go to the bathroom, the teacher waved me off so that he could get back to explaining the process of photosynthesis to that diligent 7th grader. I rolled out of the classroom and my friend A crawled next to me, my wheelchair hiding him as we went past the front of the class. Once we were out of the class we fled to the sixth grade wing and went to go visit our teachers from last year... we were free to have a grand ol' time that afternoon, and no one ever was the wiser to our antics.

Okay, so maybe that's not exactly the greatest - most moral - example of 'forward thinking rule breaking' I could have offered from my life. But hey, it was a fun story am I right?

Don't be afraid to break rules because sometimes it's the only way we will ever get anything done. Out of conflict comes not just resolutions but progress.

Dear Readers, Friends, & Family:

Can't believe the day has arrived!

I wrote my first entry on this very day in 2011. Since that time I have been to the other side of the world, made hundreds of new friends since that first day, turned another year older, learned how to tweet, published 268 posts, was published by Children's Hospital Boston "Dream",  been nervous, self-doubted, written a silly poem, divulged secrets to strangers, (tried to) give advice... but above all connected and shared with you in a way that I didn't think I would ever do.

All of that was made possible because this day last year I sat down in front of the computer and thought, "What if I... shared my thoughts and opinions?" Then you came along and did the hard work for me by showing what's possible when a person takes that first step.
Thanks for that. Thanks for telling me it's okay. Thanks for all the simple things we've smiled about together. Thanks for the other things too. Thanks for so much that I don't even know you've done for me.

Although this year has led me to lots of other opportunities & allowed me to meet a whole world of people I never would have otherwise met - so much of me remains the same. I am still shy, still sarcastic, still prefer goofing off with a close group of friends, still enjoy cracking witty, still a book nerd, still zooming around, still quiet around new people, and my passions remain the same: writing and helping others. I'm sure in future years more of me will change while other parts stay the same, but I hope that whatever happens and no matter how many iProducts our world begins to depend on... I hope I will always be able to depend on my writing and my curiosity to help others. I hope that you'll be there to see me through those years, I hope you'll still be reading my ramblings at the end!


SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: 
It wouldn't be a proper birthday if there weren't presents rights?? Okay here we go...
I'm going to write an eBook ...based off of the letters I have written in this blog. Over the past year I have been amazed by how well we've been able to connect across states and oceans. The entries that have best resonated with readers tend to be the "Dear So-and-So," posts that I write. These letters also speak volumes to the fact that, to be honest, they are the posts I love writing the most!!
So I decided as a summer project to write a draft of Letters to Barriers (working title..) the eBook will be a compilation of the letters that I have already written, with an additional 15-20 or so others that I will write to be published in the book only! 
This idea has been in my head for quite some time but I've been looking for just the right content and just the right audience. As my readers you have been so very generous to provide both for me and I'm excited for this new venture to take shape!

Here is what you should know: 

• My goal is for the draft of Letters to Barriers to be completed August 1st 
• Why am I writing a book of letters? Because letters are personal, direct, fun, sad, hysterical, secretive, engaging, divulging.. all those elements that have made my best blog entries so great.  
• I am aiming for a total of ~30 letters in the end product.  
• I have never written an eBook before and largely don't know how to go about this process, but I'm learning from others who have done it before. If you have any resources or tips do let me know!
• If there are any "Dear So-and-So" letters you think I absolutely totally should write, please let me know! I am always on the search for ideas both for blog posts and for letters. 
• The best way to reach me is to go to the blog's facebook page and click on the "Message" button at the top right hand corner or email: oi.perfect@yahoo.com 
• To see some of the letters I have already written as blog posts click on "Letters to Them" underneath Main Topics I Write About on the right hand side of this page

"Tipping point" was first introduced to me by Malcolm Gladwell's book The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference. I won't give you a book review but if you're interested be sure to click on the link to check it out, it was a fairly engaging read!

For today's post I thought I would give a few examples of my own 'tipping points.' While sometimes we may wish that life took a bit more of a direct path from start to finish...
A.) that would be incredibly dull
B.) those curve balls, pitfalls, and hurdles we have to get through leave imprints on our identities. So without them, it's in my opinion that we would be 'less of a person' than we are.

Without further ado these are either people or moments (big and small) that have made a huge impact on my barrier breaking journey --

1.) The first moment I used my walker in Elementary School. I may have learned to walk 4 or 5 years later than my friends, but I did it! And not only did I get the technique for steps down but I was also able to show my friends and classmates that I was just like them. This moment stands out in my mind as a barrier breaking moment because it was the first time I was able to bridge that gap of difference with my peers.

2. ) When I began signing school library books under the name "Trouble." A small silly moment but during elementary school & middle school I frequented the school library quite a bit. I was a quiet nerd who also enjoyed getting into trouble in my own sly ways. This is a ridiculous barrier breaking moment because not only was I allowed to sign my name as "Trouble" in the little slot at the back of the book, but I also realized that it's okay to have librarians as your friends without totally losing my own sense of personality & identity. In other words, no one defines me but myself.

3.) Mr. B, my 9th grade English teacher. Although I knew that I loved reading and writing, and most of my teachers knew that I loved reading and writing -- it wasn't until I entered Mr. B's 9th grade English class that I realized that I wanted writing to be a part of what I do... for the rest of my life. Through his dedication as a teacher I learned to pursue what I believe is right through my own creative voice. He is a barrier breaking person who has made a life-long impact on me and someone I will be indebted to forever.

4.) Being a member of the Highland Street Corps Ambassadors - AmeriCorps. I know that I've written quite extensively about this before but I can't emphasize how much of a barrier breaking year this opportunity was for me. I was placed at a community college in Boston where I created a mentoring program for first-generation community college students. To be able to give other students the opportunities of mentoring and education that I found beneficial helped me realize how one young person's idealism can impact my community.

5.) Creating this blog. It wasn't my idea. Initially I didn't even want to do this because I was afraid of failing. I was afraid of writing about my disability because at the time I was in a place of 'barely accepting' that part of myself. I was afraid that no one would listen to me "because I'm just 23 and can barely take care of a house plant never mind advise other people.." I was afraid that this would take me down some psychological and mental/emotional path that I wasn't ready to deal with yet. This is a barrier breaking moment because I was able to prove all of those things wrong and I have my readers to thank for helping me with that.

Sometimes I wish I could just make all of the barriers in our lives vanish. Maybe just for a day, just to see what it would be like. Oddly enough - if I were ever actually given that opportunity, I think I would hesitate to act on it. It's a scary thought if you really think about it. What would life be like if we didn't have to try? If there was nothing standing in our way to achieving what we want, what would we do?

Anyway, if I had a choice of getting rid of four obstacles in the world here is what they would be:

1. War. I wish that lives wouldn't have to be lost or put in danger because we want to protect, defend, prove, or acquire something. Note that I'm not saying I'd like to get rid of conflict, because in many ways I think conflict makes the world go round. But the fact remains, I wish people didn't have to die over conflicts that - most of the time - I believe could have been prevented.

2. Prejudice. If we could all act a little more honestly, and without assumptions of one another - I am certain we could also get rid of other restraints. For instance, without prejudice people would fear one another less. Without prejudice there would be far less hate and needless cruelty. But most of all, without prejudice, everyone could have a more equal chance at success the second they are born.

3. Slavery. I'm not about to go on a rant about the multitude of ways and the frequency in which slavery still happens. A simple google search will give you all of the numbers and more information than you could ever want to know about this. I do wish that I could make the idea of one human being owning another evaporate with a snap of my fingers. It's the sad truth that for many of those who are enslaved today - their first step to freedom is realizing they are slaves to begin with. No human being should ever have to realize that.

4. Despair. If I could squash that feeling of hopelessness for everyone, I'd do it in a blink. No questions asked. I don't care about the situation, the outcome, the consequences, the reasons -- I just want everyone to know what hope feels like and to believe in it. For me, that's all it comes down to.

Your turn: Tell me the 4 things you would get rid of in the comments!

It didn't really occur me to that it was "a big deal" until I started Kindergarten. At home it wasn't a big deal because I was accepted, and expected to crawl around on the floor or use my wheelchair. And in pre-school it wasn't a big deal because most of the other kids were in wheelchairs or used other mobility aides too.
The difference was apparent on that first day of school in Kindergarten when I noticed that this wasn't really the way things were supposed to be. More specifically, you weren't the way things were meant to be. It took a class filled with other screaming, singing, running, jumping, squirming, nose-picking, and jacket-struggling kids to make me realize: the two appendages below my hips were not the norm. And even more so, there was nothing I could do to get you to work the way you're supposed to.

Around that time I began learning how to walk. With the help of my parents or physical therapists I'd strap you into clunky leg braces, and like monkey-see monkey-do I'd try to mimic what I saw everyone else doing. I could tell that you didn't like it, and to be honest most of the time I didn't really like it at first either. In fact most of the time - during those early stages, I felt like the puppet master and you were my marionette dolls. Except mom and dad had already told me that my puppet would never come to life, it wasn't going to be like in Pinocchio when he springs to life. So I labored on because that's what the adults in our world said we had to do. I continued to learn which strings to pull, I learned until over the years we came to be as close to "Pinocchio-like" as we could. It took a lot of frustrating moments, lots of tantrums thrown, hundreds of sneakers, many more leg braces, fractures, and corrective surgeries before we got to a comfortable place - but the point is we got there together: now, unlike my four year-old self, I know that you do work the way you're supposed to.

I hope you know that I don't mean to hurt your feelings when I say things like "I'd rather break my legs than my arms." But it's the truth. And I hope you realize that even though my wheels have more or less replaced you these days, I don't ever take your presence for granted. The hundreds of fractures we've been through together have taught me more about rehab and healing than what most people learn in an entire lifetime. You're my silent option, my quiet reminder of hard work, of staying humble, of being appreciative, of persistence, of there always being an alternative way. 


At the airport you're the reason for the scan, for National Security to sound the alarms - and then everyone settles down when they realize you're just a harmless reminder that everything is not as it seems. "Just metal from the rods and screws in my legs.." And when my brothers began cracking their toes, you're the reason that told me that I can try too - successfully. In public bathrooms you're the reason why I can stand on the footplate of my chair, or else I'd never be tall enough to reach the sinks. When we're at the mall, you're far too tempting to not want to visit the shoe sale. Your quiet insistence that each pair of shoes I buy is a long-term if not life-long investment usually wins me over. In middle school you helped me grow tougher skin when kids pointed at the snaking scar tissue that traveled down the front of your face. Let's not forget about the Mickey Mouse roller-skates we risked our neck putting on. Or the victory we felt when we talked mom into letting us onto the ice rink!

Sometimes sitting on the sidelines while my friends ran laps in P.E. class made me feel guilty about you. There they were being tortured and hollered at "DON'T CUT THOSE CORNERS!" While we were just chilling in the shade, helping out by writing down times each time they ran past me. It was moments like those where you seemed to get heavy with guilt too, with a feeling of uselessness that I hated and resented you for harboring. Settling for second best is something you taught me how to do with grace, and only when no other choice is available. With that said you also taught me that giving up, no matter how bad or hopeless things look - is simply never an option. You might not be able to carry me around in life, but in too many more ways you're able to carry me through a lot!

...Needless to say, you and I - we've been through quite a bit. And there's no doubt in my mind that I would never trade any of those adventures together for a pair of legs-that-work! You're worth my time, attention, effort, sweat, and worry. Please don't walk out on me, okay? 

Barrier Breaking Tip: Assume the best of others, it's the only assumptions worth having.

• Monday: My attempt to relate to my parents was often riddled with tough questions
• Tuesday: Dodge ball & why I loved getting balls tossed at me 
• Wednesday: Welcoming (un)certainty
• Thursday: Taking the pain one inch at a time
• FractureFreeFriday: Check back next week!

Barrier Breaking Tip: In the face of something that scares you, be patient with yourself. Fleeing at first sight of fear means that you've given up without a fight. Sticking around, even if it's just a few seconds at a time, means you've already begun taking jabs towards overcoming your fear.

• Monday: We've all had those moments where we think - Next time I'll say something.  
• Tuesday: Some barriers others create for us. Some barriers we create for ourselves.
• Wednesday: A guest post from R who talks about how his own experiences impact his son's care
• Thursday: Pick the locks of expectations, judgments, and assumptions 
• FractureFreeFriday: How do you know how much or how little to explain of O.I.? 

It was the night of my friend J's surprise 13th birthday party. Her parents had ushered all of her friends into the upstairs area of their family-owned restaurant, the lights were then dimmed and we waited for J to arrive.  No one dared to look at anyone else, afraid that one or the other might just burst into laughter and ruin the surprise. We waited.
After a few minutes her parents led a blindfolded J up the stairs and just as they removed it we all screamed "SURPRISE!"
Following the pizza and cake the adults corralled us onto the dance floor. In fact they practically forced us over to the dance floor, not wanting to waste the money they had spent on hiring a DJ, and the fancy rainbow lights that now swam in lazy arcs around the room.

For those of you who have been following the blog, you'll remember that I, being the only person I knew in a wheelchair until age 24, had no idea how to dance in a wheelchair. And actually I didn't learn until the night before prom during my senior year of high school, and for that I give full credit to a quick Google search: "wheelchair dancing." 

So that night pre-2000, pre-youtube video, pre-Google search, I had absolutely no idea how to dance. But beyond being a girl in a wheelchair I was in the 7th grade, and like most 7th grade girls I would absolutely not be caught looking the fool in front of my friends. My plan that night was to avoid, avoid, and avoid. Slowly and painfully the popular kids paired off, most of the girls wiggled and waved their arms around in groups, and most of the boys slouched coolly on the side goofing around with their buddies.


As the dance went on I chatted with my friends, swapped gossip, probably made fun of other kids in that mean way most middle school girls do, and then I saw my friend D sitting alone by himself on the other side. Not thinking anything of it I rolled over to him, making sure to stay on the very edge of the dance floor and out of the spotlight from the glittering disco ball hanging from the ceiling. If I don't touch the dance floor, and the dance floor doesn't touch me - then I won't have to do anything weird. It was like the middle school version of cooties.
"Hi, what's up?" I asked.
D was a twin, the quieter of the two and a bit more book-ish you could say.
"Not much. Having fun?"
"Sure, yeah I guess."
At that age it hadn't occurred to me that boys and girls act drastically differently in the middle of a dimly lit room with a dance floor. Immediately I realized that this wasn't during the school hours, and we weren't sitting next to each other in science class or trying to escape from washing the lunch tables in the cafeteria. Neon lights flashed, spotlights circled all over the place, and just then a slow song came on. There was a mass exodus from the dance floor and the crowd fled to their self-assigned walls.


"Hey Sandy, wanna dance?" He turned to me and asked. I looked at him completely baffled and as disgusted as any 7th grader could.
"Ugh, no!" I stammered.
"Oh.. um okay." I remember he shrugged and quickly looked away. For the rest of that night I spent it on my 'proper' side of the room, and the next day in school everyone talked about having had the time of their lives.

It has been decades since that incident, but in between then and now I have probably done this repeatedly: pretended or hid my actual intentions in order to feel safe. There have been countless times when I have voluntarily dropped the barrier on myself, put up a front, took up an attitude because it was easier to hide than deal. Looking back on that party it's obvious that it wasn't that I didn't want to dance with him, it was because I didn't know how, didn't want to look vulnerable or caught doing something strange. In that moment I jumped towards what I felt safe and comfortable with, and at the time it was to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else.
Years later I look on that moment as one that I regret. Sometimes we are faced with barriers and other times we latch on to barriers hoping they'll prevent any harm from reaching us; however, most often we'll find that in those instances the harm is in the distance we've created by putting up barriers around ourselves.

Barrier Breaking Tip: Consistency is half the battle in order to overcome anything. When we bring the same energy and determination to challenges everyday, we become that much closer to realizing positive results. Often times consistency is simply doing what you did yesterday, but changing at least one thing that scoots you closer to your goal.

• Monday: It's as simple as A, B, C!
• Tuesday: Despite my post-op state of mind there is always someone there.
• Wednesday: Thanks for another month! I'm excited for what the future holds :-)
• Thursday: Accessing possibility through imagination makes reality less frightening.  
• Fracture Free Friday: Taking a break from the Q&A this week. Check back next week! 

A: Awareness of yourself and what you're up against should always be at the forefront of your mind.
B: Be yourself. That's the easiest and surest strategy in the face of any difficulty. 
C: Confidence. Have confidence in yourself because when you do, others will follow suit. 
D: Dare to achieve. It's like the game kids play except this time you're only proving it for you.  
E: Energize. This often means resting. Pause for a bit and take a breather. 
F: Focus. Tune out the distractions and hone in on what you want, your plans, your goals. 
G: Growth. When we grow it means progress is present, just remember it often comes with pains.
H: Heart. Act with compassion and sincerity as you strive towards goals. Practice empathy.
I: Imagine. Think outside the box, solutions often require some creative thought. 
J: Join. You're never alone in what you're fighting against. Seek others, join forces. 
K: Keep at it. What more is there to say? 
L: Laugh. Having a sense of humor about yourself makes the process less tedious. 
M: Muster up every morsel of courage and strength in you. Because you are mighty!
N: No. Learn to say that word, and mean it. 
O: Optimistic. Staying positive in your mind helps bring positive results. 
P: Perspective. Keeping perspective allows us to stay realistic about challenges. 
Q: Question yourself. Throughout the process ask yourself if this is what you want. 
R: Rally your friends. Surround yourself with awesome people!
S: Savor your victories. Remember your wins for when times get tough. 
T: Thank often. Those you thank will be quick to return when you need them most. 
U: Unabashed with your efforts. Try, fail, and then try again. Repeat the whole process. 
V: Vent. Bottling up your frustrations can make it difficult to move forward. Air it all out. 
W: Witty. The thing about barriers is that you can always out-wit them. 
X: Xtra mile. Make the journey on that xtra mile frequently, eventually it will lead to success. 
Y: Yin and yang. Strive for balance to stave off stress and other feelings of being overwhelmed. 
Z: Zany. You've gotta be a little off your rocker to be successful. 

Barrier Breaking Tip: With enough practice (and mistakes) you can turn any action into a habit.

• Monday: Yeah, yeah, yeah I'll get it done.... later. 
• Tuesday: A few tips on garnering authority from a small package.
• Wednesday: Seriously though, how am I even supposed to respond to that?!
• Thursday: The realm of possibility is infinite with these characters
• Fracture Free Friday: What makes life [with O.I.] easier? 

As a technology dependent nerd who always has her power wheelchair cranked to the highest speed, I have become someone who expects instantaneous results. These are no longer just habits of mine but have become a way of life, and it's not something I'm necessarily proud to admit.
I'm driven by progress that is tangible, things that I can see and acknowledge so that I know what to do next in order to reach my goals. Those are often the day-to-day things that drive me to continue. When I have a great one-on-one session with a client I am energized to do follow-ups. When I do well on an exam in school I can factor that into my GPA and make note of the study tips. When I successfully talk my friend into buying me lunch I know what methods of persuasion will work for the next time. But what about the things that I have less patience with? What about the things that aren't so tangible and the progress I won't be able to see for years to come?

Slipping my wrists through the crutches I recalled to memory the crutch, step, crutch, step pattern that I had just gotten under my belt before the rod operation. It was now eight months later and my physical therapist had gotten the green light to have me walking again; she was excited, I was cautiously excited, and everyone seemed to expect the latest rod operation to do wonders. There was talk of me walking for longer distances, for longer periods of time, maybe even some day navigating stairs in the crutches. But at that moment I couldn't see the end result and was frustrated that I had to begin at what seemed like square negative eight before getting to even square one. I even thought to myself "why am I doing this when it's just so much easier and faster to zoom around in my chair?"
I sat on the foot plate of the chair, crutches dangling from my wrists and looked up at my physical therapist,
"I have to start ALL over again?! This is gonna take forever and be so slow and annoying."
"It's going to take time but you'll get there." She assured me, motioning to get a move on already.

So I took a few steps and walked for about 15 yards and every ten yards my P.T. would ask me "how do you feel?" I was focused on the floor, my brain had little else going on in it aside from the crutch, step, crutch pattern - remembering which foot to move when after which crutch had moved forward. Without ever looking up at her I kept my eyes trained on what I was doing, I told her I felt "fine" each time she asked. In my mind I was eager to get to meet the expectations everyone had about me walking further and longer, I wanted to do it on the first day back to walking. I wanted results and immediate progress.
After however many yards my legs started feeling weary, my arms trembled a bit in the crutches, my palms had become sweaty against the grip, and the next time my P.T. asked how I felt I gave in and said "tired now."
"Do you think you can walk back to your chair?" She asked me. Slowly, I turned around and looked at the distance I had covered, it was enough to make the chair look like a speck in the background. I could just barely make out the foot rest that I had sat on just twenty minutes before.
"We can sit on the carpet and rest for a few minutes before we head back" she suggested.

In my naivety to break expectations and shatter standards on DAY ONE, I have slowly come to realize that there is a huge gap between day one and the eventual realization of my goals. What fills this gap? Persistence. Focus. Determination. But above anything else, most of that gap is going to consist of your energy to keep the urge to quit at bay.


Fight the Good Fight:

• Don't get lost in translation. When you think about step one and how it will ever get you to your goal, it's easy to get intimidated by that distance. But don't feel warped by the distance! Translating step one to meeting your goal means taking just one step. And that's all that it means. 
• Be realistic. Goals are goals because they require a plan and a time frame. Tasks are things that take less than a day to complete or require fewer steps. Ask yourself, are you completing a task or a goal?
• Don't miss out on anything. Despite the thousands of ways that we can now record and share our lives, it's still easy to miss out on opportunities and people if you're always rushing to complete a goal for the sake of completing a goal. Look around every now and then, evaluate, recommend, or maybe take a few steps back. 
• Look back. When you do take that first step remember how great it feels. The thrill, the excitement, the uncertainty, maybe even the terror of it - so that as you're moving on towards your goal you can strive to create more of those moments or relish in the progress you are already making! 

Barrier Breaking Tip: Your obstacles can only be as big as you choose to see them. Bite sized pieces are easier to swallow than the whole chunk. Hurdle over a small wall first, then begin your barrier breaking streak from there!

• Monday: Make it a habit of treating yourself the way you'd like to be treated. People will take note.
• Tuesday: Lessons learned from swim class - Feeling a lil bit nekkid!
• Wednesday: What are some ridiculous responses you've given? Laughter does the soul good 
• Thursday: Asking for help isn't one of my strengths. Here's how I plan on being better at it. 
• FractureFreeFriday: How do you keep above the day-to-day struggles? 

"I want to go on that ride!" I pointed at a large pirate ship that was swinging in mid-air.